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Lotosprincess

Post Count:1892
First Seen:11:56:58 AM 9/5/2015
Last Seen:5:10:19 PM 3/8/2020
Starting at newsest posts first

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lightningspark6545 wrote:

Lotosprincess wrote:

Username: Lotosprincess
Activity 1-1: 7/clouds
What can you do? Art, BBcodes, Banners, PFPs, Beginner coding
Why should we hire you? I work fast, and I'm very active
What position are you applying for?- Manager
Have you read the terms and followed the studio? - yep
Other: no
Accepted as a worker.not manager
Ok thanks!
1888: Friends ~ A poem at 6:43:54 PM 30/7/20204274482
Just gonna BUMP
Username: Lotosprincess
Nickname: Lotos/Loto
Prefered Pronouns: She/Her
Design Program(s) used: Canva, Sketch.io
Why you want to join: To gain skills
Work examples: Uhh I'm slightly new, I left request forums a long time ago and decided to come back today so all my work is old so I don't have any work examples sorry!
Activity: 7/10
Timezone: SAST
Username: Lotosprincess
Any other shops that you work at: not yet
Example Reviews (2 or 3): (I need some time to find them >.<)
Why do you want to work here: I hope to gain some skills
How active are you (1-10): 7
Codeword: Barney

Username: Lotosprincess
Activity 1-10: 7/clouds
What can you do? Art, BBcodes, Banners, PFPs, Beginner coding
Why should we hire you? I work fast, and I'm very active
What position are you applying for?- Manager
Have you read the terms and followed the studio? - yep
Other: no
1884: SBWC 2020 Maple Group at 10:24:50 PM 28/5/20204067297

seaturtle0220 wrote:

I think Night's edits basically sum up what I wanted to edit - I just added a few things in underline.

Lotosprincess wrote:

-NightBreeze- wrote:

Lotosprincess wrote:

Sorry for taking forever, feedback pls? Also posted in the forum)

Saviero was doodling in class, not paying any attention to the teacher in front of him. Why should he? All they were doing was repeating what could just be read in the textbook - an all around better source of information, in his mind.

He must have lost track of time, because soon enough the bell rang for the class to be dismissed and a stream of students quickly filled the halls. The halls, he knew. The students, he didn't. It made him kind of cool and mysterious, which Saviero liked. Today, yesterday, he thought as he walked towards his locker, No matter what, it's always the same.

As he packed books into his bag from his locker, Saviero may or may not have overheard a conversation.

“I thought you'd left the school!”
“'Course not! Where would I go?”
“I mean, Sam just left, so I got scared-”
“Yeah. From what I heard, they moved towns, too. Do you know anything about the new kids, though?”
“I mean, both Sam and, uh, Charlie left, so that means at least 2 in our grade.” (Note: They are in grade 9 (Mara and Hoshi's year). Since Hoshi went up to Lily, I'd say that she's the same age, meaning that the three of them are 14.)
"
What about Alex? I don't think they came back, either.“
”Really? That means 3."


Saviero hummed happily at this new knowledge. Apparently there were going to be three new students.

Interesting, he thought to himself. Interesting.

–+–

He saw what he assumed to be the new students as the day passed, but never talked to them.

As he walked out of the school’s doors just a couple minutes after the day had ended, he made a mental note to try to talk to the new students later.

As he was walking home he suddenly remembered that it was a year after his parents died.
(Note: Unneeded and kind of clunky, like a brick colliding with someone's face.(agreed, it kinda gives off the vibe that he wasn't sad about his parents death - which he would be - so if you wanted to include that somewhere else with a sadder tone then you can do that. ^^

Once he'd arrived home, he went to look for his uncle, whom he found moving boxes from the attic.

“I’m back!” Saviero announced, opening the door to the room and setting his bag on a miraculously empty chair.

Welcome home!” His uncle replied, slowlymoving a box down the stairs. He didn't look up at Saviero, but he did smile. It didn't bother the boy, seeing as how the man needed his eyes on the ground so that he wouldn't fall.

“What’re you doing?” Saviero asked peeking into a box that had been brought down. In it were pictures and books that had belonged to his parents. He hadn't seen anything belonging to them since-

“Clearing out the attic, do you want to help?” His uncle answered, setting down the boxes and stretching and rather annoyingly cutting off his thought.

“Sure.” He said, tearing his eyes from the pictures.

As Saviero was helping his fatheruncle (note: he's helping his uncle, not his father, yes? I think it was just a little mistake :) he found a few boxes full of his father's favourite mystery novels.

One of the boxes contained books. They weren’t store-bought, and instead looked like journals.

“Huh.” Saviero muttered to himself as he carried the box to his room. “I’m going to take a quick break.”

His uncle called back an ‘Okay!’ while he was searching through the box.
He heard what he assumed was an ‘Okay!’ or a synonym thereof, too busy burying his head in the box and sifting through the contents of the box.

He found a book that wasn’t full to the brim in dates, names and images like the others . Written in it was a simple address and a sketch, probably done by his mother, showing a house bordered by trees, probably in the middle of the woods. (The place where they meet up I guess?)

“Interesting.” Saviero concluded as he went through the remaining journals. None of the contents really made sense, a jumble of nonsensical words and scenes. Maybe it was a code! Used by a select group of individuals? An organisation of some sort?

Saviero closed up the journal, dust billowing from the pages. Later that day, he would investigate the address, the house, the mystery. Who knows - it may be they key to solving his parents' murder.


I bolded my edits. Hope it's good!
Thanks a lot!! <33
Ah yep I meant uncle, thanks!
1883: SBWC 2020 Maple Group at 10:10:46 PM 27/5/20204063577

-NightBreeze- wrote:

Lotosprincess wrote:

Sorry for taking forever, feedback pls? Also posted in the forum)

Saviero was doodling in class, not paying any attention to the teacher in front of him. Why should he? All they were doing was repeating what could just be read in the textbook - an all around better source of information, in his mind.

He must have lost track of time, because soon enough the bell rang for the class to be dismissed and a stream of students quickly filled the halls. The halls, he knew. The students, he didn't. It made him kind of cool and mysterious, which Saviero liked. Today, yesterday, he thought as he walked towards his locker, No matter what, it's always the same.

As he packed books into his bag from his locker, Saviero may or may not have overheard a conversation.

“I thought you'd left the school!”
“'Course not! Where would I go?”
“I mean, Sam just left, so I got scared-”
“Yeah. From what I heard, they moved towns, too. Do you know anything about the new kids, though?”
“I mean, both Sam and, uh, Charlie left, so that means at least 2 in our grade.” (Note: They are in grade 9 (Mara and Hoshi's year). Since Hoshi went up to Lily, I'd say that she's the same age, meaning that the three of them are 14.)
"
What about Alex? I don't think they came back, either.“
”Really? That means 3."


Saviero hummed happily at this new knowledge. Apparently there were going to be three new students.

Interesting, he thought to himself. Interesting.

–+–

He saw what he assumed to be the new students as the day passed, but never talked to them.

As he walked out of the school’s doors just a couple minutes after the day had ended, he made a mental note to try to talk to the new students later.

As he was walking home he suddenly remembered that it was a year after his parents died.
(Note: Unneeded and kind of clunky, like a brick colliding with someone's face.

Once he'd arrived home, he went to look for his uncle, whom he found moving boxes from the attic.

“I’m back!” Saviero announced, opening the door to the room and setting his bag on a miraculously empty chair.

Welcome home!” His uncle replied, slowlymoving a box down the stairs. He didn't look up at Saviero, but he did smile. It didn't bother the boy, seeing as how the man needed his eyes on the ground so that he wouldn't fall.

“What’re you doing?” Saviero asked peeking into a box that had been brought down. In it were pictures and books that had belonged to his parents. He hadn't seen anything belonging to them since-

“Clearing out the attic, do you want to help?” His uncle answered, setting down the boxes and stretching and rather annoyingly cutting off his thought.

“Sure.” He said, tearing his eyes from the pictures.

As Saviero was helping his father he found a few boxes full of his father's favourite mystery novels.

One of the boxes contained books. They weren’t store-bought, and instead looked like journals.

“Huh.” Saviero muttered to himself as he carried the box to his room. “I’m going to take a quick break.”

His uncle called back an ‘Okay!’ while he was searching through the box.
He heard what he assumed was an ‘Okay!’ or a synonym thereof, too busy sifting through the contents of the box.

He found a book that wasn’t full to the brim in dates, names and images like the others . Written in it was a simple address and a sketch, probably done by his mother, showing a house bordered by trees, probably in the middle of the woods. (The place where they meet up I guess?)

“Interesting.” Saviero concluded as he went through the remaining journals. None of the contents really made sense, a jumble of nonsensical words and scenes. Maybe it was a code! Used by a select group of individuals? An organisation of some sort?

Saviero closed up the journal, dust billowing from the pages. Later that day, he would investigate the address, the house, the mystery. Who knows - it may be they key to solving his parents' murder.


I bolded my edits. Hope it's good!
Thanks a lot!! <33
1882: SBWC 2020 Maple Group at 5:10:59 PM 27/5/20204062066
Sorry for taking forever, feedback pls? Also posted in the forum)

Saviero was doodling in class, to him the teacher was just repeating what was in the book.

He sighed as the bell rang for the class to be dismissed ‘Today is the same as Yesterday.’ he thought as he walked towards his locker.

He heard people talking as he was packing books from his locker.

Apparently there were going to be three new students.

‘Interesting.’

He saw the new students as the day passed but never talked to them.

The bell rang indicating the end of school and as he walked out of the school’s doors he made a mental note to try to talk to the new students later.

As he was walking home he suddenly remembered that it was a year after his parents died.

When he arrived home he went to look for his uncle, whom he found moving boxes from the attic.

“I’m back!” Saviero announced and his uncle noticed him.

“Oh welcome!” His uncle replied moving a box down the stairs slowly.

“What’re you doing?” Saviero asked peeking into a box that had been brought down, in it were pictures and books belonging to his parents.

“Clearing out the attic, do you want to help?” His uncle answered, setting down the boxes and stretching.

“Sure.” He said, tearing his eyes from the pictures.

As Saviero was helping his father he found a few boxes full of his father's favourite mystery books.

One of the boxes contained books that weren’t store-bought but instead looked like journals.

“Huh.” Saviero murmured carrying the box to his room, he called “I’m going to take a quick break.”

His uncle called back an ‘Okay!’ while he was searching through the box.

He found a book that wasn’t full like the others and written in it was an address and a sketch that was probably done by his mother, showing a house (The place where they meet up I guess?)

“Interesting…” Saviero concluded as he went through the remaining journals, it talked about a secret organization of some sort (?).

Later that day Saviero decided to go search for the place that had been sketched since it had something to do with his parent's murder.

Join As A Student
Username: Lotosprincess
Scratcher Status? Yep.
Have You Ever Made A Banner? Yes
Current Banner Making Skills: Novice
Time On Scratch: 5 years 3 months
Misc:
1880: SBWC 2020 Maple Group at 11:09:40 PM 12/5/20204006955

-NightBreeze- wrote:

Lotosprincess wrote:

seaturtle0220 wrote:

-NightBreeze- wrote:

Maybe the kids manage to regroup (after catastrophic events) and create a counter organisation, bent on ending the criminal thing?

Hmm yeah, that could work. Maybe we could have an epilogue, talking about a few years later when they regroup after the drama dies down?
Nice ideas!
I think we should start writing soon - I don't think the forums are the best, seeing as how it's impossible to edit the stuff of others
So google docs? Or nano?
1879: SBWC 2020 Maple Group at 10:28:17 PM 12/5/20204006833

seaturtle0220 wrote:

-NightBreeze- wrote:

Maybe the kids manage to regroup (after catastrophic events) and create a counter organisation, bent on ending the criminal thing?

Hmm yeah, that could work. Maybe we could have an epilogue, talking about a few years later when they regroup after the drama dies down?
Nice ideas!
1878: SBWC 2020 Maple Group at 10:26:39 PM 12/5/20204006830

-NightBreeze- wrote:

Ooh I like it! (I thought Maisie was sweetcakefamily’s character tho and since she left are we still using her?)

Yeeah. I'm not sure what's going on with that. Maisie was such a great character, though, and I just wanted to use her!


Also, we should talk about what the main “mystery” is- is it tracking down the organization? Something else?

Well, I was thinking that the first part could be general mystery solving stuff, following a kind of trail, but maybe the tables are soon turned or something and the protagonists are the ones running away. (Hoshi + Mara are a bit more of a bring-home kind of target, Maximus is just needs to be silenced and Solana is more of a ransom kind of thing for her parents)



And also, are you guys okay with writing LGBTQ+? It's just that my character, Mara, has 2 mums, and I was wondering if you guys wanted some representation in there.
It's cool
1877: SBWC critique & daily at 1:05:17 PM 6/5/20203988844

-NightBreeze- wrote:

I really like the general story, I just think you need to work on you pacing. For example,
He stumbled through the forest, running as his life depended on it which it did.
This part is wonderful, and I really like the wording, but it just doesn't really flow. I wouldn't be able to see myself reciting this out loud.

To fix it, I'd recommend for you to simply readjust the exact wording and just have a bit better use of punctuation.
So, it would become
He stumbled through the forest, running as if his life depended on it - which it did.
You could alternatively just get rid of the ‘which it did’ part (not /really/ needed), but I figured that that adds a bit of flavour to the story.

I'd also suggest changing paragraphs a lot more - your passage currently looks somewhat daunting and a smidge unprofessional. Breaking it up can also make the scene look choppy and sudden, which (in the first one) I'd assume is what you're going for. The second one should probably have paragraphs that are a bit longer, because it's descriptions are not only more detailed and need more words, but also because of the relaxed air of the entire thing. Do NOT forget to divide them a bit, though.

That's all for today!
<3 @-NightBreeze-

Note: I was doing the Silly Challenge for today (only 1 hand typing), so, uh, it isn't the best.
Ah okay! Thank you!
1876: SBWC critique & daily at 5:23:47 PM 2/5/20203977523
This is just a scene

BGMead wrote:

Lotosprincess wrote:

Username: Lotosprincess
How active are you (0-10): 6-7
Usernames of any alt. accounts: I don't have any
Are you following this thread (Y/N): Yes
Time zone: SAST
Normal hours on Scratch (ex 10:00 AM - 10:00 PM): It's not certain but I'm on for at least 2 hours.
Skills: Beginner animation, Thumbnail designing, Art
At least one example of work for each skill: 1st thumbnail example 2nd thumbnail example Art example 1st animation example 2nd animation example
Miscellaneous: Strawberry
Accepted! I'm putting you at head of art, I really like your thumbnails
Okay, thanks!
Username: Lotosprincess
How active are you (0-10): 6-7
Usernames of any alt. accounts: I don't have any
Are you following this thread (Y/N): Yes
Time zone: SAST
Normal hours on Scratch (ex 10:00 AM - 10:00 PM): It's not certain but I'm on for at least 2 hours.
Skills: Beginner animation, Thumbnail designing, Art
At least one example of work for each skill: 1st thumbnail example 2nd thumbnail example Art example 1st animation example 2nd animation example
Miscellaneous: Strawberry

redglitter wrote:

Wow, this thread is quite inactive xD I'm going to resume work on Ep.1 soon (I've not been very active on Scratch recently), but would anyone be interested in helping to animate some episodes? Also,

Role Call
(If you're here, just post to say so and I'll add you to the list)
  • redglitter
here